dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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