Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
