Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
