I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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