I wanna bring you to show and tell
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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