Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
