I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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