very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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