He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
