Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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