if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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