I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
