The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
