oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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