You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
