He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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