and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
