Jerry, you need to find god
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
