Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
