Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
