He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just googled if crying burns calories
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
