i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
