I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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