So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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