you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
