Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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