Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
