My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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