i permit you to call me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
