Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
