the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
