Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
