He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
