i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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