I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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