Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
