Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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