Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
