My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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