she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
