wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
