and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
