I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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