3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
