Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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