wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
