if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
