You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
