you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
