life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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