My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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