I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
