You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
