I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night I used snow as a chaser
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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