If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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