Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
