This girl is more easily done than said...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
