I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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