Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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