two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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