Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
