I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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