Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
