Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
