I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
