He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
