we're blogging at a bar
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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