Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
