You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
