I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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