called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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