I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
