So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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