So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
