I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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