My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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