i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Randomize
